The day of inner struggles

I am so confused on what I want for my life. One moment I want to be pregnant again, expecting such a bundle of joy. Then I want to foster children, but if I get pregnant I think it would be tough to foster children at the same time. Then I think about fostering little kids with problems and do I really want to do that. Then the other side of me wants to stop having kids all together. Why am I so confused with this? Should I not have a good understanding of what I want. I think if I had more money I would feel more comfortable with having children. But then I think about little A and how much trouble he gives me on daily basis. Somedays he completely exhaustes me. I am fearful of another child like him. I love him don't get me wrong, I just dont know if I have the patience for two or more like him. He loves to test me on daily basis. I really wish I knew what I wanted so I could express my desires to my hubby. But here I am, confused, very confused.